2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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