I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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