I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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