i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
