i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
