Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we should paint friendship bongs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
