Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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