She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.