I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.