you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.