Sorry, I don't speak sober.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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