We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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