When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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