New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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