I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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