I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
