I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize