I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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