You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i think i just lost a toe
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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