And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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