i would punch a child for taco bell
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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