i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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