She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
