Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
