It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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