i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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