my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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