maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Terrible idea I love it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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