I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
