Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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