i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
