whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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