...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
is it fun? or sober?
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