I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
