This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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