I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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