Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
