Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

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  (703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes
  Replies (48) Good night (5857) Bad night (884)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

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  (205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm
  Replies (60) Good night (12467) Bad night (940)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy

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  (+61): I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy http://tfl.nu/e6l2
  Replies (36) Good night (4094) Bad night (1041)
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  (619): View more from California

  he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days

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  (619): he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days http://tfl.nu/5mt6
  Replies (10) Good night (4884) Bad night (1260)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

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  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7681) Bad night (1290)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

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  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4681) Bad night (1252)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping

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  (973): Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping http://tfl.nu/1og8
  Replies (21) Good night (4974) Bad night (1810)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.

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  (773): I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe. http://tfl.nu/xtio
  Replies (6) Good night (3157) Bad night (1001)
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  (+55): View more from

  Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.

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  (+55): Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic. http://tfl.nu/vqq6
  Replies (7) Good night (1387) Bad night (641)
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  (619): View more from California

  How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?

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  (619): How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup? http://tfl.nu/tdw6
  Replies (13) Good night (1865) Bad night (619)
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  (530): View more from California

  i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.

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  (530): i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/en62
  Replies (8) Good night (1213) Bad night (499)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal

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  (775): You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal http://tfl.nu/airp
  Replies (3) Good night (727) Bad night (343)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.

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  (313): I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION. http://tfl.nu/w75i
  Replies (8) Good night (585) Bad night (306)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?

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  (412): also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him? http://tfl.nu/m6h2
  Replies (0) Good night (488) Bad night (546)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.

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  (407): My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call. http://tfl.nu/2c6j
  Replies (8) Good night (588) Bad night (228)

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