bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?