u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.