His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP