I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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