This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
