i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ruined the universe
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
