You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
