and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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