well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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