Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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