If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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