absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.