Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace