I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
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Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it