I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive