If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.