OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
