it was like eating out sand paper
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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