By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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