you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You ruined the universe
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