hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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